Why am I so tired?

I have no motivation right now. I'm trying to write a concert critique for choir but I don't feel like writing it. It's not because I don't want to do homework, it's just that...I don't have that FEEL.

Summer's coming. God, I hope I really use this time wisely. I mean, maybe go around to places in SF I haven't been to, or hang out with friends that I usually don't see much and we can bond, hang loose, do our hair, whatever. Sometimes I don't know how I handle my relationships with people because I have so many people I have "acquaintances" with. I really don't actually have a "best friend." I still have one though, spiritually. Not that she died or anything. She goes to Lincoln. We hardly see each other. The only thing we remembered this year was our birthdays, because her birthday was two days before mine. I hate that we don't have time for each other anymore. :( But, the only time we spent together was only because she went to church activities and I joined in.

Nowadays I have good friends that I say hi to, great friends who I say I love you to, and amazing friends that I see once a week. I actually think I am an amazing friend. I remember most of my friends' birthdays, I do nice things for them and I actually CARE. I mean, yeah, everyone cares, but I truly madly deeply care for YOU. My mom always used to complain about how much I'd care about my friends more than I'd care about my family, and I'd admit, that's partially true.

I'm afraid that I'm not going to have friends that I can call in the middle of the night to cry to and tell about my bad day. Sometimes I think no one takes me seriously when I'm down, because I act like it doesn't really matter when it does. For example, on Kermesse day, I didn't make S$S. That was a HUGE deal to me. I felt like crying and it just made my whole day worse. Most of the people I told were just like, OH, Too bad. I know that Rose was a great friend at that moment because she cheered me up. But other than that, people are just apathetic. And that flower I lost? I'm still mourning that. It was pretty sentimental to me.

Maybe it's just the way that I handle friends. I'm too shy to delve in too deep into friendships because I'm scared.

Someone please help me. :(
On the bright side, I'm thinking of taking dance lessons and art class in the summer. But I'm taking Mr. Drain's advice in mind and trying to see if I can get any good ROP classes that will let me fall back on any good careers along the way to the top.

Gusendheit.